Saturday, January 10, 2009

Senseless ramblings.

Hey everyone. Thanks to all of you who voted for Nick's aunt Bonnie's dog in the contest! Even though we got 4500 votes (awesome) we didn't make it into the finals. Boo for that. Good effort on our part though, right?

Not much else going on. I'm feeling nervous at work. Lots of visits from different bankers, which isn't a good sign. Someone is coming to evaluate inventory on Monday. I really need to get my resume updated, but frankly I don't even know where to start. Part of it is just me feeling paralyzed with fear. Part of it is my own insecurity that I don't know how to do anything else. I'm scared to leave, and I'm scared to stay. I'm positive I'll end up working a drive through window, wearing a paper hat and asking people if they want fries with that. Also, I need to remember to spell it "drive thru" if I'm going to work one...I should at least have the decency to spell accordingly, right?

I'm feeling really fat right now. No good reason. I'm just up 2 lbs, which is really nothing. I guess maybe because I had a binge today. We went back to the restaurant we went to last weekend, and I had the Mac Attack. Three Squares in Maple Grove really has the best mac & cheese I've ever had. I'm sure it's also quite heart healthy. It's got 5 kinds of cheese, and it's really creamy. It almost looks like alfredo sauce, but richer, if you can imagine. So good.

Nick and I aren't really getting along very well. He's been really edgy and yelling at me a lot. I'm sure I'm no picnic to live with, but I usually know what I've done to warrant a yelling at. Lately, it seems like I can't do much right. It's exhausting. Sometimes I just want to pack my things, move to a new city, and start over.

I'm starting to see my life as a series of mistakes. I have a lot of regrets. I wish I'd have done so many things that I haven't done, and I'm sure I never will. I wish I hadn't done a lot of things I have. I wish....maybe that's the perfectionist in me. Never satisfied.

I guess I'm in a little funk right now. Maybe it's time to go to bed. Or at least watch Neil Patrick Harris on SNL. Maybe that will make me better. :)


Alissa said...

Well, I heard that SNL last night was really good, so hopefully that worked in the cheering-up department (at least a little).

I know the job stuff can be stressful, especially not knowing one way or the other what will happen. And as far as regrets go, just think about all of the awesome things you love in your life right now. Everything you've done and everything you haven't done has led you to this point. You change one thing, you may change everything, and I'm sure there are a lot of things you wouldn't want to change, right?

That's what I try and remind myself when I start getting bummed about things I feel like I've missed out on or done wrong (I'm convinced that everyone feels that way at one time or another).

Sorry if any of this is me being too nosey. I just don't like seeing good people having hard times. I hope you have a nice, relaxing Sunday, and chin least we get a shiny new President soonish. Maybe he will be Superman after all and fix this whole mess of a country.

Sevi said...

Holly I understand about where you are at with your job. One of my former jobs I was there for 6 years and had 17 bosses. Within that time 16 of the bosses were fired. I had nothing but change and unstability. And FEAR of moving on. We parted ways not because I wanted to but because they wanted me gone. The Cuntroller hated me and well the feeling was mutual. I realized that I was there four years too long.

Good news is I worked for a company last year that has its headquarters in Eagan MN. Call them!!! North American Communication Resources or NACR - 800-431-1333 and talk to them about possibly a new start there. They are a very large VoiP company and make money. Everyone needs phones LOL.

I hope things turn around for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers doll.

(F)redddy said...

Tough economic times and job stress is miserable for relationships. Perhaps he's just reacting to your stress about your own situation.

NPH on SNL was delicious. I fucking love a literal sense. Ever since seeing him naked, I've developed a whole new, uh, respect for him.

Sasha said...

Perfectionism is a kind of tyranny that is horrible to be enslaved by. I know because I'm an ex-perfectionist. Generally there was a parent who made you feel nothing you did was good enough, or something to that effect, in your past. *whipping out the inkblots and a notebook* Dr. Sasha will send you her bill. :>

erik98122 said...

Maybe a cupcake will help! That always seems to cheer me up!