Thursday, January 29, 2009

Another thing....

Nick didn't get me anything for Christmas. Or my birthday. (not even a card) This really bothers me. I know I got a treadmill in November, and we agreed that would be my Christmas present, but you'd think he'd buy some candy for my stocking, just to get some little token thing. This has become a habit for him, and really makes me feel insignificant and hurts my feelings. Sadly, I'm getting pretty used to it.

10 Reasons I Might Be Crazy

10. I have a dirty dish phobia. I hate dirty dishes, and thank goodness we have a dishwasher, because I'd eat off of paper plates for all eternity if I had to touch dirty dishes. Blech.

9. I won't touch dirty dishes, but I've eaten candy I've found on the street. Unwrapped, no less. It was Toffifay, what am I supposed to do, that stuff is delicious, and I was probably 11 or 12 years old. I'd probably do it still today. (Hey, it's least I'm honest)

8. I don't touch public door knobs if I can help it, especially the restroom door handle.

7. Speaking of that, I hate touching any surface on an airplane. I think they are filthy and disgusting. I hate even touching the tray. You know they don't wipe them down, don't you?

6. I'm feeling completely out of control of my life right now. Things are getting very scary at work for me, and I'm binge eating to comfort myself. In the last 2 hours I have eaten over 1000 calories of chocolate.

5. I like almost all animals more than most people.

4. When I was a kid, I thought a local television news anchor, Dave Moore, was a family friend because we watched him on the news every night. As I grew up, I realized he was just someone we saw on tv, and didn't really know in person, yet when he died, I was truly sad. I guess I still thought he was my friend.

3. When I was a little girl and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd answer, "A van." Not sure why or how I thought I'd grow up to be a van....guess I didn't achieve that dream!

2. I saw Jaws when I was really little, probably 6 or 7 years old. I used to think there were sharks in the lakes, swimming pools, even bath tubs. I still sometimes do. I'm so scared to be eaten by a shark.

1. I don't have kids, and I'm positive nobody will miss me when I die.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Here we go again....and I'm rambling.

Today it happened. The thing I've known would, but kept hoping it would be later, or that the economy would pick up and it could be avoided. I'm officially a part-time employee again. I've done it all before. I know I can live on my part-time salary combined with Nick's. I'm just tired of being worried. I'm tired of feeling like I have no control. I hope things get better. I feel grateful to have a job at all, given the circumstances.

I'm just worried about money. I have Christmas bills to pay off, and I bought the treadmill. The thing is, I shouldn't have bought my new treadmill. I knew this and did it anyway. I didn't need it. It was just a want, and I should have been more responsible....but I've been responsible for so long, and my old treadmill is almost ready to fall apart. I love it, and honestly I need cardio due to my heart conditions. So in my mind I can justify it as a need. But in reality, it was just a want, and I should have made do with what I already owned.

On the money front, I bought some things at the REI super clearance sale this weekend. I think they do it twice a year, and I love this sale so much. I usually find some fabulous North Face things for over 1/2 off, and score some sweet deals. This year was no different. I got several really great deals. Well with today's news, I contemplated taking things back to the store, but then looked on ebay and saw that some of the things I bought I can turn a decent profit on ebay. For example, one North Face Venture rain jacket I bought for $34 at REI sold today on ebay for $72.59, and another for $82.67. The North Face Denali Hoodie I bought for $60 just sold for $147.50, so I think I can make a little extra cash this way. Then the select items I want to keep can be much cheaper or even free. :) Leave it to me to find creative ways to pay for things. When I was young and poor I used to do patch testing for Aveda. They don't test on animals, so they "pay" human volunteers with gift certificates for Aveda products. Don't stand between a girl and her hair care products!

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me. I'm trying to stay positive, and not worry too much....but for those of you who know me, I'm sure you know I'm freaking out.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Senseless ramblings.

Hey everyone. Thanks to all of you who voted for Nick's aunt Bonnie's dog in the contest! Even though we got 4500 votes (awesome) we didn't make it into the finals. Boo for that. Good effort on our part though, right?

Not much else going on. I'm feeling nervous at work. Lots of visits from different bankers, which isn't a good sign. Someone is coming to evaluate inventory on Monday. I really need to get my resume updated, but frankly I don't even know where to start. Part of it is just me feeling paralyzed with fear. Part of it is my own insecurity that I don't know how to do anything else. I'm scared to leave, and I'm scared to stay. I'm positive I'll end up working a drive through window, wearing a paper hat and asking people if they want fries with that. Also, I need to remember to spell it "drive thru" if I'm going to work one...I should at least have the decency to spell accordingly, right?

I'm feeling really fat right now. No good reason. I'm just up 2 lbs, which is really nothing. I guess maybe because I had a binge today. We went back to the restaurant we went to last weekend, and I had the Mac Attack. Three Squares in Maple Grove really has the best mac & cheese I've ever had. I'm sure it's also quite heart healthy. It's got 5 kinds of cheese, and it's really creamy. It almost looks like alfredo sauce, but richer, if you can imagine. So good.

Nick and I aren't really getting along very well. He's been really edgy and yelling at me a lot. I'm sure I'm no picnic to live with, but I usually know what I've done to warrant a yelling at. Lately, it seems like I can't do much right. It's exhausting. Sometimes I just want to pack my things, move to a new city, and start over.

I'm starting to see my life as a series of mistakes. I have a lot of regrets. I wish I'd have done so many things that I haven't done, and I'm sure I never will. I wish I hadn't done a lot of things I have. I wish....maybe that's the perfectionist in me. Never satisfied.

I guess I'm in a little funk right now. Maybe it's time to go to bed. Or at least watch Neil Patrick Harris on SNL. Maybe that will make me better. :)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Hey Everyone....

On the side, I've linked to the Minneapolis Star Tribune Cutest Dog Contest. Nick's aunt Bonnie, whom I absolutely adore has submitted her dog Markie. Please do me a favor and vote for him. You can vote every vote often. The winner gets a Visa gift card for $1000!