Well, to further shit on me, our podcast got another 1 star review in iTunes. I know I shouldn't care, and I've been told to "get thicker skin" but it really hurts my feelings. This one seemed particularly malicious.
I really don't know what to do with myself right now. I've never felt depression like this, and I don't really know how to respond to it.
We were supposed to podcast today, but I blew that. Nessa and Walt were nice about it, as they always are. I sort of feel like I just continually let people down. Most of all myself.
I don't know what to do about work. I've been in the jewelry industry my entire adult life. I know I'm smart and will learn another industry easily, and I'm a buyer, so that translates from one industry to another fairly easily. The thing is, I'll be giving up everything I've known the last 14 years. I'll never see some of my best friends again, once I leave. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's true. Some of my best friends I speak with daily and see at conventions etc. I really feel like a part of me has died. A part of my identity has died.
The other thing that is upsetting, is someone I considered a friend is mad at me. I did/said something stupid for which I've immediately apologized profusely, but it doesn't seem to matter. I just don't really have the energy to deal with anything more. I guess if being sincerely sorry isn't good enough, then I can't fix it.
I'm really tired of crying all the time. I'm really tired of feeling sad, scared, stupid, and embarrassed. I'm tired of hating me. It's exhausting.
LOST: My sunny disposition.
Reward if found...I miss it terribly.