Security Blanket

When I was a very little girl, I had a security blanket. I called it my "night-night blanket". It was a dingy, yellow, satiny material that at one point, when it was new, had duckies on it. I adored that blanket. I loved to rub the silky material on my cheeks, and I snuggled it around my pillows while I sucked my fingers, when I went to bed or took a nap. I took it to the day care, and anywhere else I went.

When I was 5 years old, my brother Pat got married. He was the youngest of that group of my father's children. I was a flower girl in his wedding, and had a very fashionable (at the time) bowl haircut much like Joy in the "Bugaloos". While traveling across country, naturally I brought my night-night blanket with on the trip. A girl needs her security blanket more when she's sleeping in a strange bed, you know.

One night we stayed in a hotel somewhere in New Mexico. We were in a hurry the next morning for some reason, maybe we were running late to get to a rehearsal or something. The details are sketchy in my mind now, as details tend to get over time. I remember my mother scurrying about to pack our things. I remember we were all tense. We checked out of the hotel, and continued on our journey. When we arrived at the next stop, no doubt 500+ miles away, and unpacked our things in the next hotel, my night-night blanket was gone. LEFT BEHIND at the last hotel!! It was disastrous to me. I was devastated and lost. What the hell was I supposed to do with out my blanket? My mother tried to substitute a slip she had that was of a similar silky material, just until we could get my blanket back. We called the previous hotel, and they checked the room. The hotel manager assured my parents that he had my night-night blanket and would ship it to our house. What a relief!

When we got home, there was a box from the hotel. Thank heaven! My blanket! My mother opened the box and pulled out a cheap, dingy, knit, blue, twin-sized blanket. THIS WAS NOT MY BLANKIE! And it was someone else's dingy, dirty, blanket. Even at 5 years old I was repulsed by the thought of it.

You may ask why I tell this story now as a 38 year old woman. Well, I realized yesterday that we never outgrow our need for a security blanket. They aren't as obvious as my old night-night blanket, but they're most definitely the same emotional crutch.

You see, yesterday, my iPhone Oz died. He had some health issues in the recent past, and yesterday despite a valiant effort to stay alive until 6/24 when my new iPhone 4 comes in, he grew too weary to continue on. In the middle of a Keith and the Girl podcast, Oz went silent from my right back pocket. I assumed his silence meant I was receiving a phone call. Maybe Matty was calling from his roadtrip or something. The silence just remained silence....no ringtone. Nothing. I pulled Oz out and poked the home button. No response. I held home/power to do a hard reboot. He was unresponsive. I panicked. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I was at the Mall of America, so I hurried to the Apple store in hopes that they could somehow resuscitate him. I spoke with an adorable little Twink Apple genius. He was very kind and gently took Oz in his hand. He plugged him into a power source. Oz displayed the Apple logo. The TwinkGenius asked permission to take Oz's screen off and look inside. (last week an awful kid knocked Oz out of my hand while walking at the mall, and Oz feel on marble tile really hard. It split his case open and made his SIM card pop out...the kid nor parents apologized or bothered stopping)

The TwinkGenius came back with a grave look on his face. Oz was gone. There was no saving him. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore, and needed to rest now. He had been trying for the last week to go, and I kept willing him to say with me just a little while longer. He would try to power down when I opened an app, and randomly turned on and off his ringer. On his last day, he took to crackling and sounding like I was walking on bubble wrap. I think Matty knew Oz was dying way before I was willing to accept it. Oz's death struck me like a blow to the stomach. Now what would I do? ALL MY FRIENDS WERE IN OZ! I had nobody's number, and suddenly felt really isolated and alone. Not only did my iPhone die, but so did all my friends and relatives. I tweeted from a MacBook Pro in the Apple Store that Oz didn't make it. I had to somehow contact people.

I asked the TwinkGenius what to do. He said Oz wasn't under warranty (duh...he's 2 years old) and to replace him, it would be $200 and I would be ineligible for my upgrade in a week when my iPhone 4 came.

I walked around the mall trying to gather my thoughts because honestly, I was beside myself. What was I going to do for the next 6 days? I have to travel to Nashville for Utopia Inc on Monday. I had to be connected. I need my email. My contact info for my coworkers who were going on the trip with me. I NEEDED MY DAMN TWITTER! Jeez! I was freaking out. Big time. How will I be okay for a week with NO iPhone? I don't remember how I lived without Oz's constant companionship, and frankly, I don't want to find out what it was like....it's a life I don't want to lead.

I went to the AT&T store and an adorable hipster kid named Moses helped me. I ended up buying a new 16 gig 3G(S) for $150 to use for the next 6 days. I have 3 lines on the account, so I used my friend Susan's upgrade, so I can still get my new phone next Thursday. If you ask me, it was well worth it. I feel much better about going on my trip, as I was worried to travel with Oz in his compromised state. When I get my new phone, I'll either keep this one as a back up, or use it as an iPod Touch, or sell it. I'm leaning toward keeping it as a back up. You know the glass on front and back of the iPhone 4 will break at some point, and the new phone will have to go into the doctor.

So, I learned a lesson. We all have a security blanket of some kind. Maybe several. I carry a water bottle with me at ALL times. I might get thirsty, but I mostly just like to know it's there even if I don't use it. Same with Oz. I like knowing he was with me. At my service. Ready to IMDB that familiar looking actress when watching tv, or Shazam that song I liked so I can buy it later. I know I'm anthropomorphizing Oz. I know. But he was more human than most people I know. He was smarter. More useful. More helpful. A more true friend. RIP Oz. I hope you're in a good place. You deserve it.

What's your security blanket?