Whatever

I feel like we talk and talk. And you say the right things, but they aren't genuine. They aren't the truth. You're not going to say a word, but stand by granting silent permission to crucify me.

A Confession

I am not a perfect girl. I am human too and will fail you often I don't have hair that stays in place I don't have the body of a supermodel I am not calm, quiet, nor reserved I won't always love you I am a hypocrite I won't agree with you Irony loves me Double-standards prevail Don't say you love me to get on my good side

All I ask is that you HUG ME I'm shy Talk to me Be interested Be genuine I'm a bitch Fuck love What I say goes I'm sensitive I am brutally honest Don't lie to me More than likely, I am smarter than you, and you know it Protect me I see right through you

I cry Chocolate is my weakness I'm artistic Sometimes all I want is for you to hold me I won't make it easy on you I don't want to hear you like me Honesty I hate you I want you I love you No one cares I'm not a princess nor do I aspire to become one I don't always say the right things You are blind

Taken from an Unknown writer, but sums it all up.

My Grandparents

These are my maternal grandparents Maxwell and Kathryn on their wedding day. It's just a picture of the original photo, but I love it. I know I'm biased, but they both look so beautiful to me, so I had to share it. They are 2 of the 3 people who have ever loved me unconditionally, and completely.

Grandma went by Kay. She graduated from St. Catherine's University in 1936. In her yearbook they wrote that she was "fiercely independent, she likes to read, and isn't very domestic". I guess I come by that stuff naturally. She was really smart and loved crossword puzzles. My Grandpa, Max adored her, and lucky for her, he loved her enough to do most of the cooking and housework. My Grandma was an English teacher and one of her students was Walter Mondale. They had 5 kids, my mother being the second oldest. Grandma had Alzheimer's disease the final 8 years of her life, and died of breast cancer December 13th, 1991. They were married 50 years. I still miss her.

Grandpa was a rural mailman, fought in WWII, and loved to golf. He is one of the kindest most gentle souls I've ever known. I can't remember him ever raising his voice at any of us kids...ever. (even when I peed the bed in his camper when I was 6) He's really good natured and has a great sense of humor. He's going to be 92 this November. He's truly the only person I really consider my family. I adore him.

All my best memories from my childhood are from when I was with my grandparents. They knew my parents "had problems" and really went out of their way to make sure I knew how much they loved me.

My trip to NYC

My awesome Mary Poppins parrot umbrella. Love it!
Me and Matty post dinner. Fun is coming to an end. :(
Me and Matty in Little Italy
My last dinner with Matty view from the other side of the table.
My last dinner in NYC with Matty. :(
Me at the Hudson hotel...before I saw how tragic the room was.
The Hudson Hotel. Seriously, the worst hotel I've ever stayed in.
Look! A murder! Um....SMILE!
CSI NY
Eeeek! A murder!
Matty and Larry at El Centro...yeah we ate there twice. It was good.
Our last picture at the Waldorf before the chandelier went out in our lives. :(
Larry and chilequiles! Delicious. If you're ever at El Centro, get this!
Chandelier at El Centro. Cracks me up!
El Centro! I love the lamp!
I love this picture. It's me and Matty in Union Square. He fixes me when I'm broken.
Max Brenner: Chocolate by the Bald Man....with the bald man.
I love this picture. It's me in a Matty and Larry sammich. :) Also, we have yummy chocolate treats to share in Union Square. Fun times.
At Max Brenner...why didn't I get this chocolate syringe?????
Larry with caprioska
Lunch with my friend Mitch
Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity!
Matty and his treat at Serendipity
Larry and Serendipity treat.
Matty and Larry at Serendipity. Larry was sleepy-sleeps.
Giant menu at Serendipity!
This still makes me laugh. Larry, Matty and the DILF. Look at the guy's horrified expression on his face. Cracks me up!
Matty under the chandelier....yeah I know. We had fun with the chandelier. It was funny.
Larry under the chandelier.
Matty and me under the chandelier on day 1
The toilet chandelier at the Waldorf Astoria
Larry Klye and the infamous Peach Infused Vodka at Vlada
Larry Klye at Vlada on Day 1

Here are some of my pics from my trip to NYC last week. I had so much fun, and I miss Matty and Larry like crazy. I love them both so much.

Sick of the shit. Warning, this post is a rant. Explicit language to follow.

You always get bad news on a weekend when you can't do anything about it. So last Saturday I got 2 letters from MN Unemployment Insurance accusing me of fraud. Two counts of fraud to be specific, and 2 penalties which add up to 40%. As it turns out, my case was audited by the state, and when asked about my earnings in January, the old Diamond Mine (who's real name I'm SOOOOOO fucking tempted to use) filled out the papers wrong. It said "To aid in the detection of possible unemployment insurance fraud, MN Stat. 268.186(b) requires employers to provide a weekly breakdown of an applicant's gross earnings when requested. Employers must provide wages earned Sunday to Sunday as indicated whether or not their payroll period is different. Please provide the wage information requested below for the applicant listed. Thank you in advance for your assistance in ensuring the integrity of Minnesota's unemployment insurance program. Please be advised that Minnesota Law provides for a $100 penalty if you do not provide the information in the manner requested and within 10 days of the mail date above.

So, the weeks I didn't work at all, but received my vacation pay, (which I disclosed to the State of MN when I filed for unemployment) they listed that I was working not just receiving pay previously earned....um that ISN'T what the state was looking for, and now they think I worked for another month longer than I did. The douchebag who filled it out, (Steve) didn't work there when I did, and since then, the company has filed bankruptcy, so it's not even the same company. After filling out everything wrong, this idiot has the balls to write, "Note: this payroll information was taken from the records for "DiamondMine Corporation" which is no longer in business." Ok, so basically you did NO research into it, and just put whatever fucking answer you felt like...and I get charged with fraud. Nice. Really nice.

So I called the State on Monday morning after stressing out over it all weekend, and Carol at MN UE, was really nice and told me that this wasn't my fault at all, that my employer filled out the paperwork wrong and I should have no problem appealing it and winning. I appealed it, and get this: I had to appeal and receive a hearing with a judge for EACH charge of fraud and each penalty. I have a total of FOUR hearings. What a bunch of bullshit. Seriously.

So I called the old Diamond Mine and spoke with Steve thinking that if I can get him to fix the paperwork and send it back to the state, I could avoid the 4 hearings. He said he went off the payroll records. I told him I didn't work there then. He said he would check my time card. I told him I was salary. His response then was that I should ask Grumpy or Dopey to sign an affidavit that I didn't work there past 12/30/09. I called Grumpy and of course she always is a delight to deal with. She said that since I already appealed, she'd wait until the state sent her paperwork and fill it out right this time. Uh...my point, which I reiterated to her several times in the course of the conversation, was to NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH FOUR MOTHER FUCKING HEARINGS TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT! So as usual, she was of no help. So, I have a hearing August 24 at 2:15, August 25 at 10:45 and 2:15 and August 26 at 8:15. What a pain in the ass.

I guess what makes me mad is that I didn't have any chance to defend myself. I've been convicted based on what these idiots wrote, and now have to appeal to try to prove my innocence after the fact. It makes me mad that their incompetence has screwed me over one more time. It makes me mad that I have a great job, and this company won't go away and leave me along. Let me live my life without ever having to deal with them again, and I'll be happy. And you wonder why they went bankrupt when this is their attention to detail? Ugh.

I wonder what the legality of it is...can I sue them? I'm not a litigious person, but I feel I'm owed some damages, goddamn it. I feel they should owe me some punitive damages for defaming my character like that. Also, at this point after the last 9 1/2 years of misery, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I want to sue them and be the nail in their coffin. I'm not sure I have a case, but if people can sue McDonald's and win because they weren't smart enough to know hot coffee is...HOT, then I feel this is definitely something with more merit than that.

Better pics of the Parthenon

The Parthenon. It really is pretty cool.
Jeff at the Parthenon
Holly at the Parthenon

Super Cheesy stuff I did in Nashville

The Parthenon. So...Nashville is "The Athens of the South" and apparently, having the only life sized replica of the Parthenon in the world secures this nickname. It was really cool....the rest is quite a lot more low-brow, but in my opinion equally cool in a cheesy, craptastic way!
Cooter's Towtruck. So yeah...we went to the Dukes of Hazzard Museum. Yep. Sure did! And it WAS fantastic!
Rosco P. Coletrain's squad car
The General Lee. You could get your pic taken inside all the cars for $9.99.
Daisy Duke's Jeep "Dixie"
My favorite picture by far! Jeff sliding across the General Lee a la Bo Duke!
It's pretty cheesetastic!
Coworker Tomfoolery.
Yes. It's called "Cooter's Place" for real! Isn't that Awesome?
Don't even pretend you're not jealous that I got to see the General Lee. Seriously? Hysterical!

Security Blanket

When I was a very little girl, I had a security blanket. I called it my "night-night blanket". It was a dingy, yellow, satiny material that at one point, when it was new, had duckies on it. I adored that blanket. I loved to rub the silky material on my cheeks, and I snuggled it around my pillows while I sucked my fingers, when I went to bed or took a nap. I took it to the day care, and anywhere else I went.

When I was 5 years old, my brother Pat got married. He was the youngest of that group of my father's children. I was a flower girl in his wedding, and had a very fashionable (at the time) bowl haircut much like Joy in the "Bugaloos". While traveling across country, naturally I brought my night-night blanket with on the trip. A girl needs her security blanket more when she's sleeping in a strange bed, you know.

One night we stayed in a hotel somewhere in New Mexico. We were in a hurry the next morning for some reason, maybe we were running late to get to a rehearsal or something. The details are sketchy in my mind now, as details tend to get over time. I remember my mother scurrying about to pack our things. I remember we were all tense. We checked out of the hotel, and continued on our journey. When we arrived at the next stop, no doubt 500+ miles away, and unpacked our things in the next hotel, my night-night blanket was gone. LEFT BEHIND at the last hotel!! It was disastrous to me. I was devastated and lost. What the hell was I supposed to do with out my blanket? My mother tried to substitute a slip she had that was of a similar silky material, just until we could get my blanket back. We called the previous hotel, and they checked the room. The hotel manager assured my parents that he had my night-night blanket and would ship it to our house. What a relief!

When we got home, there was a box from the hotel. Thank heaven! My blanket! My mother opened the box and pulled out a cheap, dingy, knit, blue, twin-sized blanket. THIS WAS NOT MY BLANKIE! And it was someone else's dingy, dirty, blanket. Even at 5 years old I was repulsed by the thought of it.

You may ask why I tell this story now as a 38 year old woman. Well, I realized yesterday that we never outgrow our need for a security blanket. They aren't as obvious as my old night-night blanket, but they're most definitely the same emotional crutch.

You see, yesterday, my iPhone Oz died. He had some health issues in the recent past, and yesterday despite a valiant effort to stay alive until 6/24 when my new iPhone 4 comes in, he grew too weary to continue on. In the middle of a Keith and the Girl podcast, Oz went silent from my right back pocket. I assumed his silence meant I was receiving a phone call. Maybe Matty was calling from his roadtrip or something. The silence just remained silence....no ringtone. Nothing. I pulled Oz out and poked the home button. No response. I held home/power to do a hard reboot. He was unresponsive. I panicked. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? I was at the Mall of America, so I hurried to the Apple store in hopes that they could somehow resuscitate him. I spoke with an adorable little Twink Apple genius. He was very kind and gently took Oz in his hand. He plugged him into a power source. Oz displayed the Apple logo. The TwinkGenius asked permission to take Oz's screen off and look inside. (last week an awful kid knocked Oz out of my hand while walking at the mall, and Oz feel on marble tile really hard. It split his case open and made his SIM card pop out...the kid nor parents apologized or bothered stopping)

The TwinkGenius came back with a grave look on his face. Oz was gone. There was no saving him. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore, and needed to rest now. He had been trying for the last week to go, and I kept willing him to say with me just a little while longer. He would try to power down when I opened an app, and randomly turned on and off his ringer. On his last day, he took to crackling and sounding like I was walking on bubble wrap. I think Matty knew Oz was dying way before I was willing to accept it. Oz's death struck me like a blow to the stomach. Now what would I do? ALL MY FRIENDS WERE IN OZ! I had nobody's number, and suddenly felt really isolated and alone. Not only did my iPhone die, but so did all my friends and relatives. I tweeted from a MacBook Pro in the Apple Store that Oz didn't make it. I had to somehow contact people.

I asked the TwinkGenius what to do. He said Oz wasn't under warranty (duh...he's 2 years old) and to replace him, it would be $200 and I would be ineligible for my upgrade in a week when my iPhone 4 came.

I walked around the mall trying to gather my thoughts because honestly, I was beside myself. What was I going to do for the next 6 days? I have to travel to Nashville for Utopia Inc on Monday. I had to be connected. I need my email. My contact info for my coworkers who were going on the trip with me. I NEEDED MY DAMN TWITTER! Jeez! I was freaking out. Big time. How will I be okay for a week with NO iPhone? I don't remember how I lived without Oz's constant companionship, and frankly, I don't want to find out what it was like....it's a life I don't want to lead.

I went to the AT&T store and an adorable hipster kid named Moses helped me. I ended up buying a new 16 gig 3G(S) for $150 to use for the next 6 days. I have 3 lines on the account, so I used my friend Susan's upgrade, so I can still get my new phone next Thursday. If you ask me, it was well worth it. I feel much better about going on my trip, as I was worried to travel with Oz in his compromised state. When I get my new phone, I'll either keep this one as a back up, or use it as an iPod Touch, or sell it. I'm leaning toward keeping it as a back up. You know the glass on front and back of the iPhone 4 will break at some point, and the new phone will have to go into the doctor.

So, I learned a lesson. We all have a security blanket of some kind. Maybe several. I carry a water bottle with me at ALL times. I might get thirsty, but I mostly just like to know it's there even if I don't use it. Same with Oz. I like knowing he was with me. At my service. Ready to IMDB that familiar looking actress when watching tv, or Shazam that song I liked so I can buy it later. I know I'm anthropomorphizing Oz. I know. But he was more human than most people I know. He was smarter. More useful. More helpful. A more true friend. RIP Oz. I hope you're in a good place. You deserve it.

What's your security blanket?